How to Deal with Death

I have not dealt with death on a personal level until my grandpa passed about when I started my second year of college. As a student, there is no 101 on how to handle loss of a loved one. My grandpa was a great man with many vices. He drank beer everyday, sometimes multiples cans are sitting empty on the table. He smoked so much to the point where every fingernail was discolored. Those were habits he picked up as a kid in Vietnam. Smoking and drinking is not such a big deal there as it is here in California. So when he died of cancer, no one was surprised. He still wanted to drink and smoke even when the doctor diagnosed him.

I did not deal with his death well. I was sleeping when I got the call very early in the morning and an hour distance away. I just laid there and cried. That was my grandpa.

In this field of work, I have dealt with many deaths, but it is different each time. The last time was a client of the center who was very frail and could not verbally communicate with us. When we heard of the news that she had passed, questions came up on how to tell other clients if they had asked why our client has not been coming to the center. In an effort to respect the privacy of our client and not to bring depression upon our clients, we were told if any clients had asked, she say the family decided not to come anymore.

My point is that when I interviewed and got the position, I was never told the proper procedures or process of dealing with it. I was not given a phone number to call if I was grieving. Furthermore, I had questions about communications with the clients' family. Should I send flowers? Could I attend the service? Would I be able to offer support outside of work hours? Was there ethical or legal boundaries?

Here is my suggestion. There should be a meeting for all staff so they can be on the same page about any questions they may have. I certainly did not have the answers and it seems there were too many different ones.